At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
