walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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