I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
