Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
