if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
