she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
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