Farmville is her only friend.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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