saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Randomize
