My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
All the doctor said was why
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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