just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
