The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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