she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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