Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Randomize
