It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
