it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
