Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
