yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
