I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Randomize