think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Just high enough for therapy.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize
