Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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