hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
This is the high leading the old right now
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
