Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
