ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
