EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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