Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
