guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
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