i already hear my dad disowning me
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
