My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize