I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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