wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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