he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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