you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
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