Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
