I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
