i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
