We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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