before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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