Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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