I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
