Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
We got so high we made milksteak
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
