I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
