I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
