Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Farmville is her only friend.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
