I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize