I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
He passed out mid-signature
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
