Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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