my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
