Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Randomize
