I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
My ass is underappreciated
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
