We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
We left an ass print on the piano.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
