i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
