Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
