Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
