i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize