We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
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