The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
