...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize