Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Pooping to opera.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
