she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
