forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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