What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
