I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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