the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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