I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
party gras won. party gras always wins.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
