It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
