We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I love you.
Bad choice
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
