you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
